It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Be still, my beating vagina.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
