Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
