her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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