whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
