Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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