I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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