My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
