Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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