I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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