i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
