i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
