This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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