Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
