whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
