we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
