Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
