There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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