I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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