you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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