Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Boobs are out for the taking
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
