The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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