I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
