Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
