Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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