Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
