Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
