i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
