My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
