You're my little dorito
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
