Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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