I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
