I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently the secret to your success is patron
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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