Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
