Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
