So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
