Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
