i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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