You can't motorboat a personality
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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