Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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