I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
