i don't plan on having that self control this summer
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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