Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
