problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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