I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
