How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
