And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
