I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
