dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
