my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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