I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
