where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
