Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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