Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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