This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
