....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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