Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
