Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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