Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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