hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
