i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
