Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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