D3 body, D1 cock
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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