You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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