I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
