The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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