Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
