forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
