i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
