I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
